by Terri Lynn Forster
One of the most arduous journeys I’ve endured
was the exploration of my inner self.
Facing my demons, admitting my weakness,
how my emotions whirled.
Sometimes the necessary can be so scary.
I was in such a quandary, my life only shambles lamenting at my feet.
I had to really see inside myself,
face the grief
I had denied
Who am I?
What are really MY needs?
What is it I want in life?
What are my options?
Is happiness only found in fairytales?
Identifying for so many years as….
the good Daughter….
the faithful Wife….
the loving Mother…..
the loyal friend….
the dependable Employee….
Not that there is anything wrong with these features… these virtues, but where was I, where were my needs and wants?
Where was my true soul among all these shadows?
When the striving to make others happy, comes at the expense of your own psyche. Then surely the price is too high. Measuring and weighing all the boxes within my mind, sorting the dross from the treasure, the lies from the truth, a most worthwhile yet rending endeavor.
This was the beginning of my rebirth,
the casting out of the old and defiled
to make room for the fresh and unsullied me.
Coming to a place where life isn’t so difficult.
Where, yes, happiness is possible and within reach.
Discerning what I enjoy,
what makes me smile, is not so awful.
It just takes the courage to take that first step down the shadowy path of the soul.
It also takes admitting that yes, I have the right. I deserve happiness. I have the power.
Now it is up to me to stay on this road, to fight for myself, to make my life right for me.
No one else can truly make me happy,
no one else can really make me blue.
It is all in how I handle the ups and downs and what
I am willing to take
and to mine own self
|Terri Lynn is a research scientist at the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, a writer, a mother, and a friend.|
|Copyright 2002 by Terri Lyn Forster. All rights reserved.|